Monday, December 22, 2008
The longest day of my life…
At 9 am this morning my heart broke. I heard these words “Aaron your daddy died.” Yeah at that moment I think my heart stopped in disbelief. At 9:10 I found my self in the car heading to my dads house to help take care of stuff. I wept. I wept, screamed, moaned and wept some more the entire drive down there. I got to my dads house and with a great amount of disbelief I walked in the door. We all hugged and wept some more. Then I went and said goodbye to my dad.
Here is a bit about me and my daddy:
My dad always answered the phone with excitement “hey baby boy!” I loved that! I can hear him say it now and ache that its just in my head.
My dad really loved me. he didn’t have to tell me that all the time I knew it in how he talked to me and how listened.
My dad was crazy handy. He really could fix anything.
We used to listen to James Taylor. I probably listened to his greatest hits 1000+ times over the summers we spent on the lake. It was the only tape on the boat so that’s what we listened to.
He thought I was funny. Maybe that’s not a big deal to you but I love to laugh and my dad and me always laughed. Our sense of humor was always similar.
My dad loved my boy. He lit up when he saw my little man. I loved seeing them play together.
I love the smell of pipes even more now since dad is gone. Dad smoked a pipe in my 1st car before I got it and every time I cleaned it would smell like his pipes.
My dad loved hearing me play guitar. He always said I was better than him, which was CRAZY! He was very good at guitar until diabetes stole that from him.
So, I stood over my dad today weeping. I didn’t know what to say. I said a bunch of different things. But before I walked out I said in a whispering scream about 10 time “may my daddy rest with Jesus today.” It wasn’t to be super spiritual I really said it out of complete desperation. See, I don’t have much else to hold on to. Some how in my head I think Jesus is the only hope I have to deal with this.
I will probably write some more at one point or another but tonight I write to say: I ache, I weep, I long for my dad, I scream and I really really miss my daddy.