Monday, December 22, 2008

The longest day of my life…



At 9 am this morning my heart broke. I heard these words “Aaron your daddy died.” Yeah at that moment I think my heart stopped in disbelief. At 9:10 I found my self in the car heading to my dads house to help take care of stuff. I wept. I wept, screamed, moaned and wept some more the entire drive down there. I got to my dads house and with a great amount of disbelief I walked in the door. We all hugged and wept some more. Then I went and said goodbye to my dad.

Here is a bit about me and my daddy:
My dad always answered the phone with excitement “hey baby boy!” I loved that! I can hear him say it now and ache that its just in my head.
My dad really loved me. he didn’t have to tell me that all the time I knew it in how he talked to me and how listened.
My dad was crazy handy. He really could fix anything.
We used to listen to James Taylor. I probably listened to his greatest hits 1000+ times over the summers we spent on the lake. It was the only tape on the boat so that’s what we listened to.
He thought I was funny. Maybe that’s not a big deal to you but I love to laugh and my dad and me always laughed. Our sense of humor was always similar.
My dad loved my boy. He lit up when he saw my little man. I loved seeing them play together.
I love the smell of pipes even more now since dad is gone. Dad smoked a pipe in my 1st car before I got it and every time I cleaned it would smell like his pipes.
My dad loved hearing me play guitar. He always said I was better than him, which was CRAZY! He was very good at guitar until diabetes stole that from him.


So, I stood over my dad today weeping. I didn’t know what to say. I said a bunch of different things. But before I walked out I said in a whispering scream about 10 time “may my daddy rest with Jesus today.” It wasn’t to be super spiritual I really said it out of complete desperation. See, I don’t have much else to hold on to. Some how in my head I think Jesus is the only hope I have to deal with this.

I will probably write some more at one point or another but tonight I write to say: I ache, I weep, I long for my dad, I scream and I really really miss my daddy.

12 comments:

AnnieBlogs said...

Oh Aaron. I'm so sorry.

mr.wiggles said...

when my dad tolled me i could not say a word for 10 minutes i just prayed for you.

Frank said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Frank said...

I felt like that when my mom passed. We were very close. I will continue to pray for you and your family during this time of grief. Missy

jenny said...

so sorry to hear about your loss.

caravann said...

Hi Aaron, I'm so sorry for your loss. Wish I could say it gets easier, but you really just get used to it. I miss my dad every day and love it when something happens that makes me take a double take to see if it's him (like someone walking along jingling change in his pocket). I pray for peace as you grieve. I know your daddy was very proud of you and will be watching you as you do your job to be a great dad yourself. I love you! Mimi

Charley and Jackie said...

I'm so sorry for you. I'm praying!

Rachel said...

We have begun praying for you. Bless your heart.

Kimberly said...

Aaron - Jennifer Edwards Harper shared the news about your dad with me. I am so sorry! Still having both of my parents I can only imagine the emotional pain you must be experiencing. It sounds as though you were truly blessed with a loving father. Please, know that you and your family are in my thoughts.

Sincerest Regards
Kimberly Floyd Butler

Ryan Kennedy said...

I can't. There can be nothing from me. And as for you, loved brother, cling to the cross.

cheryl said...

And we ache with you in your loss. Thank you for sharing with us. May God meet you in your grief.

Ryan said...

brother, i am very sorry about your loss, and the 1 year reminder of it. enjoy the taco and banana pudding.